After a five year hiatus, Dilemma is back. When she took a step back from the scene after her last release in 2020, she felt like she lost the spark of making music and knew something had to change. Years later, when going through her old hard drive from 2013, she rediscovered her love for drum & bass. A River Without Banks, her latest release on Spearhead, marks her return.
This project is one of collaboration and community, two things Dilemma has learned to value even more this time around. Having moved from Brighton to Leeds, she had to find a new community around her, and that community, she found on this album. “I’m so grateful to my collaborators and to Steve and everyone, because we all did it together.”
We had a chat with Dilemma and talked about her latest album and finding her way back into the scene she loves.
Congratulations on your release! How does it feel to have it out?
It’s been great. I’ve wanted to make an album for around seven years now. The concept for this one has been up around my head for a few years. I finished the album in April 2025, but I’m so glad that it’s now out. It feels really good for everyone to hear it, enjoy it, and share the experience that I wanted to share.
How was it to work with Spearhead?
A dream. It was really cool. So many of the tunes that I fell in love with when I first discovered liquid drum & bass came out on Spearhead, which I didn’t realise until a bit later. The label has introduced me to so many artists that I hold in such high regard now. Having released with them now… If you had said that to me at the time, I’d have just told you to fuck off in a thick Brummie accent! Working with Steve BCee’s been great, too, because he was really encouraging to me in the early part of my career. When I was just starting out, I gave him some music which wasn’t quite there yet, but he was really encouraging and booked me for my first major gig. It’s so cool to now work with him. It’s a big full circle moment in a lot of ways.
So it all happened quite naturally because you already knew each other?
Yes, we already had that foundation. We actually met in a field rave in Kent. I remember it so distinctly because he was lying on his side in the long grass looking like the chillest dude ever, and I remember going over and us having a really positive conversation. When I was writing my album, it hadn’t had a home yet, I told Steve and he asked me, who’s it going to go out with? I told him, I don’t know yet, we’ll see what happens. And now I’m thinking, why didn’t I just ask right there right then? Because I immediately thought of Spearhead when I was trying to think where to put it out. I’m so grateful it all worked out like this.
There’s quite a story behind this album, for a while you didn’t know if you were ever going to return to drum & bass…
My last release before this was Exit Stage Left, which came out on Soulvent in 2020. It did really well, which didn’t help me, because at the time I was struggling with my mental health. I ended up having severe writer’s block and imposter syndrome. There was a bit of internalised misogyny as well, because a lot of loud voices made it feel like if I didn’t do it all myself, if I didn’t make every aspect of this tune, then people would say it wasn’t my work. Because that’s what it was like back in the day. It meant there was a lot of pressure on me. Everything I wrote, I’d dismiss within an hour. I’d be like, nah, that’s not good enough, there’s no point in continuing with that. It got to a point where making music felt impossible, it was too steep a hill to climb. It was a shame, because making music is such an important part of me, it’s my way of processing things. And the part where you get to have fun with it is important as well. To lose that ability for as long as I did, I knew it wasn’t good. I needed to find my way back, but I just couldn’t. I felt stuck. That’s the headspace I was in, and it took being reminded of what it used to be like before I started, before I released anything, before I was even really aware of the industry to get me back into the right headspace to start making music again.
Back to when there was no pressure, where you could just have fun with it all.
It’s not a criticism at all, but because drum & bass is so forward thinking, it’s always pushing boundaries. Sometimes you feel like you have to live up to that a little bit. Is this my best work yet? Am I pushing myself? ? Whereas now I realise it’s okay to just do it for the hell of it. You can make music because you enjoy it, because that’s how everyone starts out. Having a laugh and learning there is nothing to live up to. You have to remember that when you make music.
Did you always know that you wanted to come back?
I knew something had to change. It didn’t feel right to make music at that point, but it also didn’t feel right not to. I was stuck in this limbo. I remember sitting down one night and I had a bit of an epiphany about it, because I found this old hard drive from when I was in college in 2013. It felt like I heard all these old ideas from before, when I didn’t think of making music for money, when I didn’t have any awareness of how the industry worked. I remembered why I started making music and why I fell in love with the scene, and I had a little cry about it. A lot of the things that were true of 2020 aren’t true anymore. Those voices that say, it has to be all you, they’re not really there anymore. Some of these old ideas on the hard drive sounded really good. They were worth asking for help on. Before I thought it all had to be me, but now I realised that it didn’t have to be that way. It doesn’t have to be all me.
It can feel quite refreshing to know you’re not alone.
Absolutely. During that time I moved to Leeds from Brighton. Brighton is a massive D&B hub and not far from London either. Coming to Leeds, there was definitely a scene here that wasn’t quite as big. Old Red Bus Station shut as well, which means it’s just killed a lot of the scene here sadly. A big part of my life is community and wanting to feel a connection to something bigger than myself. So, a big part of finding my way back into the scene was finding that community again, and I’m so grateful to my collaborators and to Steve and everyone, because we all did it together.
How does it feel to be back?
It feels good. I was so excited to announce it, to let everyone know that I was back because I was coming back to something that I loved and a community that I loved. Being away from that for so long… It felt incredible to come back! The reaction to that first single made me cry a lot. I’m really glad that I’ve come back.
What has changed since the first time around?
For myself, I’d say there’s a clarity of purpose that wasn’t there before. I know better what I want, which means I’m better able to navigate it all too. When I do feel imposter syndrome or a bit of pressure, I know better now how to deal with that, because I know what I want is to enjoy it ultimately, because that’s the point. If something gets released and it comes out as well, that’s a bonus. If people want to book me in amazing countries, then sure, that’s a bonus too. Ultimately, knowing that the point is just to enjoy it, relieves a lot of the issues I had before. In the wider scene, it’s great to see that producing music is much more accessible. It’s good to see how many more people in general are participating, making music and getting it out, because it’s important to get people from all walks of life. But at the same time, it’s gotten harder to keep up with it all, with all of the releases, things happening in the scene… There’s more drum & bass coming out now than ever before. But I’d rather that than a limited number and type of person. I think being a woman has changed as well because it was very much like a novelty before. If you weren’t a bloke… I remember people being surprised when I submitted demos. I think now it’s getting more normal, and it’s more community based and integrated. There’s a lot more work to do still, but it’s heading in the right direction, which is what we want.
What plans do you have for your career going forward?
I’ve got a list! I don’t know if anyone reading wants to help me tick it off. I officially could go on a few tours now, so I’d love to go around the US, though probably not until at least November 2028. I’ve wanted to go to the US for some time now, so it’d be cool to get that done. I’ve got a few reasons now to head to Australia and New Zealand as well. And I’d love to play SUNANDBASS, though the thought of that does terrify me somewhat! I’ve gotten over my imposter syndrome with production, but not so much with DJing, but that would be really cool. That’d be a top bucket list thing, SUNANDBASS.
In terms of what I’m working on… I’ve got a few exciting things in the pipeline that I can’t say much about yet. But it’s really cool for me at the moment because I’ve got that clarity of purpose. It also means I know what I want as an artist. I want to be a lot more purposeful with what I’m trying to say and what experiences I want to share in my music. Going forward, my EPs and other projects will be a lot more purposeful and concise in their message. My album inspired that!
Is there anything else that you want to share?
I just want to say thank you to everyone. To all my collaborators who’ve been so instrumental. To Steve as well, who’s been nothing short of stellar, he’s been so patient with me. To everyone listening, I really appreciate everybody that’s supporting, and to my amazing friends and family. Thank you to everyone, I’m so grateful to you all.
