Bear Grillz Festival Survival Guide

bear grillz 1

Electronic music’s favourite – and indeed hairiest – crack smoking, debaucherous wayfarer Bear Grillz returns to UKF this week more wry words and observations.

Last time he managed to condense effective social media dialogue into five simple stages. This week he’s focusing on another popular pastime we all share: festivals

This weekend is a biggie on the worldwide festival calendar: EDC Las Vegas and WTF Festival are both popping off in the US while the likes of Urban Artforms is happening right now in Austria and thousands of UK summer lovers will be unleashing their inner hippie at Stone Henge for the solstice.

Bear’s playing a few shows himself this sunny season (dates below). In preparation, he’s put down his five personal golden rules for ensuring you optimise your experience. Once again, if he took the piss any harder he’d be buying shares in urinal cakes.

This is what he had to say…

1. “Make sure you don’t accidentally offer people dressed in skimpy clothing money for sex. Despite their appearance, from my experience they are often not actually prostitutes.”

2. “Whenever a drum & bass DJ is playing on the main stage, make sure that you hold your hands up into a heart shape. This will let everyone know how cool and culturally informed you are.”

3. “Bring heavy duty ear plugs to protect yourself from the constant onslaught of unbearable festival clichés such as ‘I knew them before they were famous’ and ‘this is soooooooo [insert festival name here]'”

4. “Make sure you wear a t-shirt/tanktop with a slogan that lets everyone know how funny and unique you are. Phrases such as ‘show me your tits’ and ‘have you seen Molly’ are both excellent choices.”

5. “Whatever you do, don’t hug the guy with the “free hugs” sign unless you enjoy trips to the sexual health clinic. Trust me on this one.”


BG Tour

2 thoughts on “Bear Grillz Festival Survival Guide”

  • Tip 6: Once you make it big in the EDM scene, you must decide that you hate EDM out of the blue, and spend all your time insulting other fans and artists trying to make it in the EDM scene.

    See: Porter Robinson, Deadmau5, Madeon, Bear Grillz etc etc.

    Come out with an edgy progressive album, then continue playing all the festivals and vegas clubs that your EDM enemies play, because they pay well.

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